Advice from Dad
A few tips and helps from your dear old Dad.
I seem to have learned a lot of things the hard way, and I
often wish my parents had explained certain things to me, instead of leaving me
to find out by mistake and accident how things worked. The following is a
summary of a few of the useful things I have learned over the years. You are
welcome to read or not read on . . . .
The shape of life
Life is shaped like a diamond, as in the diagram. We begin
at the base, (a dot) when we are born, and after a short time of total
ignorance, we start to view life as an infinite expanse of unlimited
possibilities. We dream, (and do not consider it impossible) of being anything
- conqueror of Everest, colonist on a distant planet, Prime Minister, Master
pianist, Tourer of the whole world, Great writer,
Olympic champion, Genius, King . . .) and then, as we grow older we realise that the expanding lines of life reach a limit
(corners). Now we have reached a point of youthful realism.
From that point on, the lines begin to come together again.
We find that Time is not our friend. We realise that
to be good at anything we have to work, practise and
concentrate our energy. This means that whenever we choose to one thing, we
will, by default be choosing not to do many other things.
death
time of old age corner
birth
At an older age we suddenly realize that life is actually
very short, and that the lines of our potential to explore and accomplish and
learn are beginning to converge to a dot. We also realize that those 'old'
people we grew up with are actually pictures of ourselves, in a few short
years. Physically, we begin to limit ourselves. We narrow our attention to
fewer and fewer things, and then, finally, we realize that life is too short to
do anything but a handful of things really well. Our dreams of conquering
Everest or traveling to another planet are set aside, and we accept
(grudgingly) the meagre ration of life.
Children have no idea what the Bible means when it says that
life is short, but old people understand this only too well. Logically, since
life is so brief, we ought to put the things of God above our own wishes, since
we can expect no reward from God if we spend our lives living for ourselves.
Money.
Never loan money to anyone. Give, by all means, whenever you
think it is necessary, but never make loans. You can destroy a friendship in a
matter of a week or two, simply by lending money to your friend.
The value of money is always fluctuating, so if you make an
investment, you ought to get some good advice from an expert. As far as I know,
the safest investments are the lower-interest ones. The higher the interest the
greater the risk that the thing you are investing in will fail.
If you invest in buildings, you can get a return by way of
rent.
If you buy a house, your house may increase in value over
the years, but you'd make very little profit for your trouble
unless you were lucky.
Bonus Bonds are an extremely long shot, with perhaps only
2-3% returns unless you are lucky enough to hit a big prize, but at least you
get your original investment back when you cash them in. Unfortunately, the
returned money is not adjusted upwards to match inflation.
The best way to make money is to either sell a thing,
or sell a skill.
The best way to view money is to first decide what level of
material goods you will be content with. Many people set an impossibly high
standard of living before them, and then struggle all their lives to reach it.
The Bible condemns greed, and praises contentment. If you have food, clothes
and a roof over your head, you should be happy, but the world always tries to
tell you that you need more - much, much more.
People are your greatest assets.
Relationships.
Don't play with fire. Keep non-Christians at arm's length.
Christian girls tend to attract non-Christian boys, and vice versa. If you are
a girl never call a boy a 'boyfriend', and vice versa. 'Boyfriend' and
'girlfriend' means ownership. The expression means 'my property', or 'I own
this person'.
You have several very strong driving forces inside you. One
is appetite for food - which of course you must satisfy, but not with gluttony
or greed (the main cause of obesity). Another is need for sleep - which you
must satisfy but not by being lazy or slovenly. Another is need for
entertainment - which you must satisfy, but not by feeding at the pig-trough of
the world. Another is need for acceptance - which you must satisfy, but not by
trying to please your unsaved peer group. (God's opinion of you is far more
important than anyone else's). Another is need for love - which you must
satisfy, but not with lust or sexual sin.
Health.
Your body can take a tremendous amount of abuse, but life is
short and it isn't long before you realize that a foolish childhood diet has
impaired your health for the rest of your life. Now that we know what foods
contain (unlike past generations) we can actually maintain and nurture our
bodies to gain the maximum strength and vitality out of them.
The 'health food' diet is the best. Keep to the 'food
pyramid' - fruit, grains and cereals, with a little meat - and you will never
regret it. While your 'junk food' friends begin to age prematurely, you will
sail on into old age still able to move about with liberty.
Your body is God's
Mind.
Your brain is like a sponge, sucking in everything you
experience. You will not realize this through your youth, but when you are
older, all the material that went into you brain while you were young, will
actually be most of what makes you you when
you are older.
Obviously, the best thing to do with your brain,
is feed it the best. Choose carefully what you read, think about, hear,
and see. Store the best, and later, the best will come out. You cannot get good
material out of a rubbish tin. If you treat your mind
like a rubbish tin, you will find only rubbish inside it.
Travel.
I found the best way to travel round my own country was on a
bicycle, during good weather. The tyres were fitted
with tubeless so I had no flats. The bike had pannier bags for clothes and
shelter. The most important thing to take, or arrange for, is a good bed, as
the trip is ruined if you miss out on sleep.
The advantages of bike-tripping : 1. Its free transport, 2.
You can stop or move whenever you like, 3. You can camp anywhere suitable
without paying fees, 4. You can travel slowly enough to see the world passing,
and remember it. (The faster you travel, the less you remember) 5. Pedaling
keeps you fit, and gives you a great appetite so the food tastes fantastic when
you need to eat.
Take a little money, but only enough to get you from one ATM
to the next. You can 'play it by ear' as you go - perhaps stopping for a day's
fruit-picking, or some other job. If you ask to stay at someone's place, do
something for them, i.e. chop wood.
Always make provisions for staying safe.
Sport.
The world says "It matters most if you win". The
Bible says "Do your best for Jesus". These two philosophies are
actually mortal enemies. The Bible actually discourages competitive sport in
that it focusses more on individual effort rather
than 'winning'. Winning can lead to pride, and arrogance. It also reduces the
self-esteem of those who don't win.
If there was a race with 100 contestants picked at random
off the street, would they all come first equal? Of course not. Who would receive the awards? The people who came first, second and third. This is how the
world judges performance. This leads to pride.
God would say "Who tried their hardest, and did their
best?" Perhaps every runner did - in which case every runner would receive
an award.
Concentrate on doing you best and you can have maximum
self-esteem. Concentrate on winning, and you will always face defeat, because,
eventually, there is always someone who will beat you. You may do your best and
still win, because your self-esteem is based on pleasing God, not
It is also interesting to notice that all records held by
Man are those achieved during the fallen Creation, and only on this planet. It
is all relative.
Marriage.
There are four kinds of love. Affection - the level of
kittens suckling, need-love and mutual love, not deep or meaningful love,
physical. Friendship - a strong mutual liking, with many ideals and beliefs and
habits in common. Eros - the love of the physical shape and appearance. Charity (agape) - the love which gives regardless of thanks or
appreciation. You need all four kinds of love to make a good marriage.
One good way to get to know what your 'intended' is really
like is to talk to his or her parents. Of all the people in the world, parents
know their children better than anyone.
Affection is a give and also a need love, so it depends on the other
person continuing to give to your needs. Lonely people often confuse affection
for love, because they desperately need someone to show an interest in them,
and satisfy their inner craving for company.
Many marriages are based mainly on Eros - the love of
physical appearance. But as age, accident or illness destroy the attractiveness
of the other, 'love' fades.
Friendship is another 'love' which may falter, because it depends a
great deal on reciprocation, i.e. "I'll love you as long as you continue
to love me".
Eros is the response we often have to the outward appearance of
someone. Many beautiful women are wildcats underneath, and many handsome men
are cruel and nasty in their hidden domestic lives. Look past the face of the
one you are attracted to, and see if they have love, joy, peace, patience,
gentleness, meekness, self-control, goodness, and faithfulness.
Charity is the highest and best form of love, because it endures,
even when the marriage partner ceases to be attractive, friendly or
affectionate. Charity (Greek - agape) says "I'll love you no matter what.
I'll love you even if you don't love me." As the marriage vow says
"For better or for worse, in sickness or in health, till death do us
part". Many marriages break up as soon as problems come along, and instead
of working through them, the people run away and look for an easier life. Tough
times are God's way of developing character - not fostering cowardice.
Before you marry, imagine your intended with another fifty, sixty, seventy years added. Will you still
love him/her when he/she is old, bent, grey, thin and feeble?
Remember, once you have decided to marry, if you are a
Christian, you have made a commitment for the rest of your life. Marriages 'in
the sight of God' are binding, regardless of what people think or do. You may
divorce and leave, but the only way you can remarry and avoid sinning, is if
your wife/husband commits adultery or dies. (Matt.19:8,9)
Marriage lasts longer than the ceremony. Once you get home,
you enter a never-ending process of work, maintenance and repair. Bills have to
be paid, property has to be maintained, children (if
any) have to be raised, disciplined, entertained and educated. Marriage is not
always happy or easy. A lot of it depends on duty not love, and commitment
not enjoyment. The best part of a marriage is quite often the courting stage,
because it is all hopes and promises but no commitment. Once the courting is
over, the bird is caught and caged, but while it is free the heart is filled
with dreams and hopes for a better world.
Wealth.
The only way most people make money is either by 1. Working
for it = selling their skills, or 2. Selling something = selling a product.
Other ways of making money usually involve more luck than skill, and therefore
these ways are not reliable. Gambling usually ends with loss or poverty. More
people lose through gambling than win. Gambling is also fickle because it holds
out the promise of getting wealth without having to work for it, which is not
very satisfying.
One good method of getting wealth is to use youth as an
asset. Live as frugally as possible for a number of years, maintaining health
at a maximum, and hold at least two jobs. Put the savings into an investment
account which reinvests all the interest, and then, when sufficient quarterly
interest is being generated, reduce the work load and use the interest payments
to meet basic costs. Initially this method is extremely hard, but the result is
that for most of your remaining life you will have an ensured basic income for
which you will not have to work.
Property.
The best kind of ownership is freehold. Renting is good,
provided it includes the landlord having to deal with Rates, maintenance and
insurance. If you rent, you can move to another house whenever you like. If you
own a house you have to go through the difficult process of selling it. Each
path has its own problems and blessings.
Owning your own house is usually cheaper than renting. A
small country house may cost an average of about $45 per week to cover power,
phone, insurance and Rates. On top of this there is maintenance, which can add
more than a thousand per year, ( borer-bombs, septic tank cleaning, tools,
garden additions, postage, firewood, mouse and insect repellent, and dozens of
little expenses you don't usually think of until they arrive). Maintenance on a
property never stops. Everything eventually needs to be gardened, mowed,
painted, cleaned, replaced and repaired.
An ideal property is on the edge of town, and therefore in a
lower Rates zone, with a potbelly stove and wetback, and access to cheap or
free firewood. The potbelly stove enables you to heat your water, heat the
house, dry the clothes on wet days, and cook. It can also save you about $40
per month in power bills.
The best materials for a house are low maintenance. Brick (or concrete) and tile. If you buy wood and corrugated
iron, make sure the wood is free of dry rot and borer, and the roof is not a
veneer of painted rust.
Clothing.
Second hand stores often stock as-good-as-new garments. They
are always worth a look through before buying new. New clothes are usually only
new until they have been through the washing machine once anyway. You can save
literally thousands of dollars by shopping in second-hand shops.
Goals in life.
We all have our goals in life. Sometimes our main goal is to
find what our goal is! A simple rule I use is :
"If you don't do it, say it, or make it for Jesus (either directly or
indirectly), it isn't worth doing, saying or making". The world claps its
hands and cheers at many things, but passing praise is worthless compared to
the rewards we will receive if we put Jesus first in all things and try to obey
Him at every intersection in our lives. Logically, eternal rewards are far more
important than temporary praises.
Think of Eric Liddell, Olympic sprint champion, whose
greatest fulfilment in life was not in collecting
buckets of medals, bit in serving as a missionary. He used his gifts on the
world stage and received many honours, and he said
that he "ran for God", but he also preached the gospel and brought
many lost people to faith in Jesus. Abrahams, the Jew, and Eric's main
opponent, was worried about winning, because he knew he had nothing else in
life to live for except beating Eric, and if he beat him he faced a blank.
The best way to live for Jesus is to look at whatever you
are doing as a ministry. Cleaning the toilet, washing clothes, digging the
garden, chatting to a neighbour, shopping, playing, helping . . . however
humble, however mundane, whatever job you have, whatever activity you are
involved with, do it as if Jesus is watching.
You will find that, if you do this, you hardly ever need to
wonder about what God wants you to do in the future, because as you prove
yourself faithful in the small things, He will open to you bigger things to be
faithful in. Life's stepping stones are arranged by God, but He never lets you
step forward to a new stone until you have mastered the stone you are on.
Education
The very best type of education is commonly known as
'homeschooling'. This means that the children are brought up, nurtured, and
educated by one or both parents. This involves informal lessons most of the
time - merely allowing he children to share in the
daily activities.
Parents can teach their children how to wash, brush teeth,
speak, read, write, garden, cook, dress, and a hundred other skills. They can
also teach by example how be sociable, entertain guests, converse, think
logically, asses things, develop a value system, and of course understand God's
Word. No 'normal', average parent is incapable of raising, training and
teaching their own child. Too many parents have swallowed the lie that only the
State can educate children.
Some homeschoolers use prepared lessons when their children
reach such ages as 9, 10 or 11, and some continue to provide materials right
through to the child's maturity. There is no shortage of resources. Some
parents train and educate their children up to perhaps 11 or 12 and then send
them to State schooling. This is very risky, because State schools are filthy
with evolution, worldly standards, vain fashions, carnal knowledge, and
Satanism in its many guises. some Christian children
buckle and collapse under the pressure, others survive.
Some children (and parents) see some value in gaining State
school qualifications, but the Bible shows that God is able to promote a person
to any position without any need to gain worldly qualifications. (i.e. Joseph and Daniel)
The Bible commands parents to train their children up
- too many Christian parents abandon their children to pre-school,
kindergarten, primary, secondary and other educational systems - and then
wonder why their children go off the rails. The promise (Prov.22:6) applies
only to parents who obey the command.
The second best choice is a Christian school, but quite
often the school charter and the ideals are not matched by the school's
performance, and quite often, in an integrated school, some of the worst
children are sent (for 'reform') along with some of the best.
Christian teachers can also sometimes be difficult to cope
with, applying themselves with often over-zealous, or legalistic, or 'peculiar'
behaviour, similar to missionary zeal.
Christian schools can become religious nightmares for
children, so ask and enquire thoroughly before sending your child to one.
Schools are, basically, surrogate homes with professional
surrogate parents, which is why the argument for homeschooling is the most
reasonable and Scriptural choice.
Witnessing.
One last thing. You can't catch fish unless the
fish are hungry, so don't waste your time trying to bring people to Christ who don't want to be saved. When you meet someone, and you want
to witness to them, 'test the waters' first in a subtle or tactful way, and see
what the response is. If the response is good, keep going. If the person slams
a wall up, keep away from Christian topics, otherwise you'll antagonize them,
and probably generate ill-will.
Your most powerful weapon next to the gospel is good works.
If you lose an argument or debate, lose gracefully,
so the other person sees Christ in you.
You are not responsible for the lost, God is, and God has
made ample provision for the lost to be saved. Nature speaks of His
divine reality, and all normal people have a conscience, which convicts
all sinners, and shows them their need for forgiveness. In the Western world
the accessibility of Christianity is enormous, so there is no need for
Christians in the West to fret and worry about the lost. The lost are always
lost because they want to be.
Weapons you need to be a good witness :
Your own personal testimony, of how you became a
Christian. Prepare it and practice it.
A thorough understanding, and solid
belief in the book of Genesis and its implications.
Christian apologetics. There is now a wealth of powerful
argument and evidence for Christianity. Become familiar with it and be
fully armed, ready to demolish the reasonings of
evolution and other deceptions.
The one thing you can take to heaven with you is your
children - so I'm expecting to see you there when we meet on that happy day.
God bless - Dad.