Mismatching
There is no doubt in my mind that we
are influenced by the company we keep.
I have seen the evidence for this in my own life, and in the lives of my
friends and family. I have seen good children turn rebellious and anti-social
through the peer pressure of Public school. I have seen godly women led astray
into adultery through the company of unsaved men. I have seen well-meaning
Christian teenagers abandon their faith for the affections of an unsaved
partner. I have seen good little children ruined by the bad example of other
little children.
The only person who was not influenced by the company he kept was Jesus,
but even that took him some effort and focus, because the pressure was on him
too to change his lifestyle. His disciples (unconsciously) tried to alter his
path – Peter even tried to talk him out of going to Jerusalem to die – and all
through his life from childhood upwards he had friends and family either
mocking him or tempting him to go outside the Father’s will. His childhood
friends, full of mischief and small sins must have put some pressure on him to
disobey the authority figures in his life, and as he passed through adolescence
his hormones would have had their normal effect on a growing young man. He
would have been attracted to the beautiful young women of his town, and perhaps
tempted to pursue vocations which were not part of the divine plan for his life.
And yet Jesus never sinned, in thought, word, or deed – Heb.4:15 and Heb.5:8.
But Jesus was unique. He was similar to us in many ways, but also
totally unique in other ways. But, some will say, Christians have received the
Spirit of God into their lives, and are therefore in touch with the power of
God – which ought to help them walk the same path as Jesus – but unlike Jesus,
Christians are also influenced by their inherited sinful nature. Jesus never
had a sinful nature. He was not a descendant of Adam by the male line. This
separated him from sinful Adam. Jesus’ body came from Eve’s egg, and his Spirit
came from heaven. (A great mystery!) This meant that
Jesus was fully a man, but also fully God.
The question is often raised: “Is it right for a Christian to have a
relationship with a non-Christian?” The answer is both short and long, and in
both cases some other questions must be asked. It is not really as simple as
‘yes’ or ‘no’.
Relationships.
The first thing we need to know is what the word ‘relationship’ means?
In some cases it may mean ‘’friendship’, in which case the answer to the
question is ‘yes’, most certainly. Jesus encouraged his followers to get out
into the world and mix with the unsaved. He often spoke about Christians being
lights in a dark place (See Matthew 5 for example). He did not instruct his
followers to separate themselves from the people of the world, and retreat into
monasteries and nunneries, because, although these were probably noble ideas,
the spread of the gospel would be greatly restricted. Paul’s life is a great
example to us. He went everywhere there were people, arguing in synagogues, and
homes, and marketplaces, and it was Paul who said that Christians ought to follow
his example – 1Cor.4:16, 11:1 and Phil.3:17. When he said “Be followers of me”
he was encouraging Christians to put Jesus first in every area of their lives,
which would include relationships.
Before we go any further with this topic I think a couple of things
ought to be said.
First of all Christians are free to choose who they associate with, and
who they marry, and who they befriend. They are at liberty to do whatever they
want to do, just like everyone else is free to choose most things. However,
there are ‘strings attached’. Just as Adam and Eve were free to eat or not eat
the fruit, they were also clearly informed as to the repercussions of their
actions. God made them responsible for their actions. If they obeyed, they
would be blessed, if they disobeyed they would begin to die and eventually
disappear from the world as a pile of dead flesh. It is the same for
Christians. God holds us responsible for our actions and choices. If we obey
Him we are blessed, but if not then we become responsible. So ‘yes’ a Christian
can have a ‘relationship’ with a non-Christian, but God has warned us about the
probable outcomes, and we become responsible for that.
Second, there are some very pragmatic, dogmatic, merciless Christians
about who act rather like the classical version of Moses, in that they seem to
carry a set of the Ten Commandments about and whenever they meet what they
decide is sin, they drop the rocks on the head of the offender! While I admire
their commitment and zeal, I do not admire their attitude.
My approach is to focus on the Fatherhood of God. He is, after all, our
Heavenly Father, and this is His own designation, so we can trust that He means
us to understand something deep and powerful by it. He is also called a Shepherd,
and there again we have some related images which are very meaningful.
Some very important verses on the Fatherhood role of God are found in
Psalm 27:10, 68:5, 103:13, Proverbs 3:12, 4:3
and 13:1, and Matthew 5:45.
For some important references to the Shepherding role of God, see Psalm
8:1, 23;1, Isaiah 40:1, Ezekiel 34:12, 23, Matthew 9:36 and 1Peter 2:25.
I hope you took the time to look up the verses. They will give you a
good perspective on what follows.
I mentioned Adam and Eve deliberately because they present the first
example of how God works. He is wiser than us. He is able to know things
without needing a ‘trial run’ to find out what works best. He can see the
consequences of every action before they happen. When the first humans sinned,
God saw every consequence from that moment on right down the thousands of years
to today, yet knowing all that He still allowed the first humans to make a
decision which set the entire chain reaction going. This in some way reveals
the love and compassion of God, because if He had not allowed the freewill
choices of His first humans to run their course, He would have become a Divine
Dictator. We could not be sure that our own decisions today would run their
course without God standing in the way. No generation could escape the curse of
Divine intervention!
But God is a Father and a Shepherd. He treats us as lambs, and dear
children. He knows our weaknesses. He knows how our emotions run, and how
difficult it is for us sometimes to resist temptation. Usually, the best He can
do is give us advice, and warn us of the consequences
if we disobey Him. As a Holy God He is always provoked to anger, and as a Judge
He is unable to let any sin go unpunished, but these are side issues, and
usually these actions come after He has waited patiently for us to change our
minds. Just as a patient and longsuffering parent will give a
young son or daughter a time of grace before a reprimand, so our Heavenly
Father warns and waits before finally taking action.
Just as a sidelight on this, think of Noah, who warned his generation
for 120 years before judgement came, or the Canaanites, who escaped judgement
for 400 years before
Having said all this, let us now examine the question more closely.
One of the key verses is in Corinthians. Please read the context to get
the correct understanding – what goes before and after the verse.
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with
unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians
6:14-18
When you read the whole passage you can see
that God is offering an incentive for separation. He says that those who
separate themselves from ungodly relationships will be given a wonderful
standing –“I will be a Father to you and you shall be my sons and daughters’.
This is a fantastic prize, and an incredible reward for those who dare to take
Him at His Word. But it is an offer, and God cannot force Christians to take
it. We are free to form as many unholy alliances as we like, but our standing
as sons and daughters will be lost. We cannot have it both ways.
So the question is :
What do you value most?
Some people may object and say “But these verses
are about spiritual things?” To this I would ask another question: “Can you
separate your spiritual beliefs from your thinking?” You will find that
whatever things you believe are a part of your whole lifestyle. People are
integrated things, with all parts (mind, body, spirit, whatever you like to
call them) welded together, so what affects one part will affect all the other
parts.
For example, when you are sick, it affects
your spirit and your mind. When you are materially well off, by way of a fat cheques suddenly arriving, your spirit lifts and your
health improves. Happiness, for most people is a sudden financial windfall, and
if they are Christians they will be revived spiritually – ‘Praise God for this
money!”
So if you have a relationship with someone,
they will affect you in many ways. This is why God warns us to beware of relationships
which cut across the Christian values we should be guarding. God doesn’t want
to lose His children. He loves us. He wants us to be filled with the Spirit,
happy, healthy, prosperous and separate from the unsaved people’s lifestyles.
God knows how dangerous the ungodly are, even when they are our best friends.
Their lifestyles are part of them, and they will affect us regardless of how
determined we are to resist.
So many Christian’s lives lie in ruins
because they thought they could get away with a wrong relationship.
I have seen marriages where the wife is a
Christian and the husband is not. She is unhappy because her husband will not
support her in her efforts to raise the children in Christian ways. All he
wants to do is work at his job, watch sport on TV, drink beer and discuss
finances. The children copy their father. She has to live with the ungodly howl
of commercial radio whenever he is home, and terrible TV programs late into the
night. He on the other hand finds her irritating because she is not interested
in the things he is interested in. But of course this is exactly what we should
find. Why should an unregenerate man be interested in godly living? Cats meow
and dogs bark – unsaved people don’t know any better, they can do only what
they are built to do.
I have also seen Christian teenagers chasing
unsaved boys. “I’ll get him to come to church” they say, and “When we get
married he/she will be saved”. They think that love is more important than
salvation. They make excuses for the boy/girl they are attracted to. The defend him or her: “He doesn’t swear very often”, or “I
got him to come to church last week. I think he might be saved soon”, or “He’s
very interested in Christian things” – yes but the boy/girl is not saved is he?
He’s not a committed Christian is he? Its all very well telling people that
he/she likes Christian music, went to a Christian camp, has read parts of the
Bible and so on, but none of these things are enough. The unsaved are quite
capable of pretending almost anything for the affections of another admiring
person.
Examples of godly
separation in the Bible.
One obvious example is Daniel and his three
friends. They were offered the ‘king’s meat’ – Daniel 1:8-13, but refused. The
result was a marked improvement in their appearance.
Another example is Moses, who one day
suddenly realized that he wasn’t an Egyptian. “By faith Moses, when he was come to
years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter” Hebrews 11:24
But always, in the midst of the nation of
And there are many individuals, men and
women, girls and boys, who have tried to live separate lives for God.
“Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners”.1
Corinthians 15:33 This
verse means, in modern English: “Don’t be fooled! Bad company ruins good
behaviour!” Or, in the words of a Manmade proverb:
“Birds of a feather flock together”. You become like the company you keep. If
you keep the company of good, solid, committed Christians, their influence will
lift you up. If you keep the company of unsaved people, they will gradually
destroy your faith. It may not happen in such a way as to be noticeable, but
bit by bit, slowly, a word here, a joke there, gradually your faith will be
dismantled, and then suddenly, one terrible day, you will realize that there is
so little difference between yourself and the unbelievers around you that
nobody can tell the difference.