Happiness
Many years ago I
was asked to prepare a series of lessons on the subject of happiness. I began
with the gospel and illustrated the key verses, but now that I look back on
that work I realize that it was quite inadequate. There is more to happiness
than believing that Jesus died for you. There is also more to happiness than acknowledging
the basic doctrines of Christianity. While the theology may be spot on, there
are other things involved in happiness.
One key verse which
I hold very dear is Romans 14:22 “Happy is the man who has no reason to condemn
himself for what he allows”. This cuts the whole question down to the most
basic and simple expression. Am I happy with myself and my lifestyle? Do I have
a deep contentment with myself as a person, or do I constantly wonder if I am
measuring up to other people’s expectations?
I think this kind
of contentment is probably rare.
Few and far between
are the Christians who can eat, and drink, laugh and cry, work and play, read
and travel, dress and explore, write and perform . . . in a way which they feel
is right for them. Most Christians, I suspect, try to keep their lives within
what they think are the ‘acceptable limits’ imposed on them by their peers or
other people. The trouble springs from the fact that Christians forget that
they walk before God as if there is only
God and no-one else in the whole universe. If God is happy with me, I am
happy with me. It is God’s opinion which matters most. (I must be responsive to
others in love and consideration of course, and not go roughshod over
everyone’s feelings, but home base is the one-to-one relationship I have with
my Creator.)
Some church
fellowships demand conformity, either overtly through rules, or by subtle
pressure, such as a frown, or body-language. Non-conformity is opposed and
members either ‘fit it’ or feel like outsiders. Some members are eliminated if
they refuse to conform. Customs and forms replace spontaneity, traditions
stifle freedom of expression, and Christian life is strangled. Jesus was
expelled by rule-making people, so were the Early Church Christians.
So who should we
follow? Jesus of course (1Pet.2:21) He is the Head of the Church, the Chief
Priest, the Great Shepherd and the Master. The Holy Spirit can reveal him
(through the Bible) to each Christian in a way which may be different for every Christian, but it
will be the same Jesus. The four gospels illustrate this point clearly. Matthew
saw Jesus as the King. Mark saw Jesus as the Servant. Luke saw Jesus as the
Messiah, and John saw Jesus as God. While there is some overlap between the
gospels, there is also a distinct difference between them, which shows how God
spoke to each of the four writers.
Shakespeare (and
others) have come to the same conclusion : “To thine own self be true, and it
shall follow as the night the day, that thou canst not be false to any man” The
man who is happy with himself, is unafraid to present him (or her-) self to the
world without pretence. The man who is
content with himself has integrity.
So the first step
towards being happy is to be first comfortable with yourself. If you are not
happy with yourself, you will never be happy with any situation or relationship
in the world.
I was talking to a
dear little 5 yr old girl one day. She told me she didn’t like the freckles on
her face. I suggested that when God made her He got a tiny paintbrush and mixed
up just the right colour, then dabbed each freckle on with love and care.
“Every one of those freckles is there because God wanted to make you like that.
He counted all those freckles, and He loves every one of them.”
Obviously, if God
loves what He has made, we ought to love it too. God, after all, makes no
mistakes, so to think otherwise is an indirect way of criticising God.
There is quite a
lot of Modern Psychology about, which emphasises self-esteem as being one of
the most important factors in one’s life. One must feel good about one’s self
in order to make progress as a person, we are told. One must be praised and
complimented for almost everything one does. No individual is allowed to escape
praise for something, no matter how small or insignificant that something is.
Praise, praise, praise. Soon the child thinks he or she is wonderful, and the
message of humility before God is lost on them. Tall poppies are reduced to an
average height, and short poppies are elevated to an undeserved equality.
Most of the
emphasis placed on this self-esteem talk is based on a shifting-sand foundation
anyway, as people try to measure themselves against widely variable things. The
Bible gives the only solid, unshakeable foundation for measuring self-esteem:
God’s view of us, but self-esteem psychology is based on how one feels about
one’s self, and how many things one has achieved.
For the Christian,
achievements come second, after Christ, who is always first. For the
self-esteem seeker, the works of Christ are often seen as handy add-ons to an
already complete life.
For example, I might seek my self-esteem from
people I admire, but all people have feet of clay. Even the greatest people
have had faults and failings, some of which have caused us to feel ashamed of
them when they have been exposed. Or, I might seek my self-esteem from people
in authority, and draw my sense of value from the admiration and trust which
some important person puts in me, but I can be knocked flat just as easily by
the same person’s scorn. Should I base my self-esteem on another person’s apparent
admiration or trust? It seems to me to be a very shaky basis for finding my own
value.
On the other hand I
might look inside myself, and try to find value in my abilities and talents, or
my achievements, but can I trust myself? Are my abilities and talents my own
anyway, or were they all given to me? Aren’t my achievements really only an
extension of my abilities and talents? If I concentrate on these things I might
become proud, and arrogant, self-centered, vain, and narcissistic. If I
concentrate on how ‘wonderful’ I am I may not be able to praise other people as
I should. So no matter which way I look
I see relativity – my inner person,
my friends, my manager, my customers, or whoever I look to for a basis for
self-esteem, are all frail and feeble foundations. They may appear to be a good
basis at first sight, but in the end they are not. I can only assume
value from these sources.
But when I look to
heaven I hear God saying “I made you, I love you, I accept you for who you
are”. That is an absolute. If God is pleased to love me, then I have the
strongest base on which to set my self-esteem in the whole universe. God never
changes, so His opinion of me will never change. If He is happy with me, I can
be happy with me.
One thing I learned
from my three years in public school was the shaky basis on which many children
try to build a happy life. Many of these sincere, well-meaning young people are
isolated from quality time with adults all day, almost every day, for years, so
they begin to look instead to their peer group for a sense of value. The peer
group happens to be about the same age, and none of these young people of
similar age is able to rise above the general level of immaturity simply
because of their youth, inexperience, and ignorance. They often, but not
always, get caught up with what the ‘in’ crowd thinks. They seek acceptance by
following commercially driven fashions, or they adopt certain type of
‘in-house’ language, or they share a generally accepted genre of music, or they
collectively become fans of selected brands of cosmetics, bands, toys, or
trends in other things. Many young people try to find an identity for
themselves by merging with some other strong personality, or group. They may
gain a kind of acceptance, but in blending in, and sacrificing their
individuality, they lose their souls, because they have to live a lie.
Older children,
especially those who finally break free of the education system, often become
wild, reckless, hedonists to the core, cravers of physical gratification,
undisciplined, contemptuous of authority, and it is amazing to see to what
lengths some of these people will go to in order to feel accepted with the new
crowd of friends. Some will shave off all their hair. Some will pin their lips,
tongues, bellies and other parts of their bodies. Some will never wash. Some
never change their clothes. Some will drink heavily. Some will smoke drugs or
experiment with them. Some will spend a fortune on gear. Some will strive for
the latest and most expensive gadgets. Some will adopt a manner of speaking –
the ‘plum in the mouth’ – as they pretend that they have risen higher up the
social ladder. For every genuine choice of lifestyle, there are probably
hundreds of imitators, all striving for acceptance, and behind the ‘laid-back’
appearance of many of these young trend-setters there is a nagging fear they
are not really living honestly with their conscience. ‘Keeping up appearances’
is the name of the game, but behind the appearance is a void, or a loneliness,
an emptiness which has never been filled.
So how do we find ourselves?
There are some
places to look which may help. The first
is definitely not a good place, but it serves as a primary level, and it can
give us a ‘neutral’ platform to build on.
The first step to happiness.
The atomic level. We all share many things
in common on this level, namely that we are all made of atoms. All things, in
fact, all material things, are atomic. It is the great equaliser.
A better basis on
which to look at ourselves may be the biological
level. On this level we may enter into a slightly better understanding of
ourselves. We can see what we are, biologically, by examining our place
in Creation. God created all life, and then He created Mankind. Man is
therefore higher and superior to animals, but at the same time he shares many
things with them. Man needs to be born, to grow, eat, sleep, move and
reproduce. Some people wrongly think that because we share many things in
common with animals, we must be on the same level as animals, but the
differences between Man and animals totally refutes this notion. Man has a
biological level which he shares with all living things, but Man also has a
higher level, which he shares with angels.
The social level comes next. This level
brings the focus into a sharper definition. Humans communicate using a spoken
language, or a symbolic written form. Humans can convey thoughts, feelings,
memories and ideas through symbols. No animal can do this on such a vast scale.
Humans can relate to each other, express themselves, be creative, make art,
music, dance, laugh. Socially, humans are vastly more sophisticated than any
animal.
The spiritual level sets humans apart
totally from all other creation. Only humans pray. Only humans show an
awareness of their Creator, by whatever name they call Him. Only humans
understand accountability. Only humans seek forgiveness for sin. Only humans
practise sacrifice for sin. Only humans exercise a system of justice. Only
humans follow after justice, or revenge, or avenge, or forgiveness, or
repentance. Humans constantly require apologies for wrongs. Animals never
follow after these things.
If we accept
what the Bible says, we come to this conclusion:
Humans are made
like God spiritually. There is a resemblance in Man to God, in Man’s
behaviour and awareness of higher things. Man is like a heavenly spirit clothed
in a body of flesh.
Humans are also not
like God in that they share many biological things with animals, and they
often go against God’s best wishes.
This dual nature in Man has led to two
extremes.
First there is the
idea that Man is inherently pure and perfect, divine and transcendent.
There is the idea that sin is an illusion, and wickedness is unreal. Man can
therefore find the ‘god within’ himself if he looks. Man can perfect himself
because Man is already good.
The other extreme
is that Man is utterly vile and reprobate, in whom nothing good dwells.
Both views are true
to a certain extend, but both fail by themselves. The best view is to say that
Man is both God-like and not God-like. This middle ground
supplies the reason for the conflict which Christians are usually aware of.
They know in their spirit what pleases God, but they find the performance
lacking. They try to do what is right, but they find thoughts in their heads
that are quite rebellious. As Jesus said “The spirit is willing, but the flesh
is weak”.
The happy Christian
is able to understand this duality, and accept the fact that as long as he
lives, the conflict will always be there. The only way any Christian can remove
the sinful bias, the conflict, the duality within himself is by actually dying
– or by receiving a brand new body. A lot of unhappiness has resulted from
Christians who have tried to rid themselves of the “flesh” or perfect their
“spirit” before the day of resurrection. Neither is possible, but a huge amount
of effort has gone into this futile task, and nothing but failure can ever
result.
The second step to happiness.
Happiness comes
from obedience to God. God has made it perfectly clear, through His Word, how
we ought to live in order to be happy, but so many people, so many millions of people, follow sin, and then
find themselves unhappy because of it. Here are some very simplified examples
of how to be unhappy:
Gambling – trying
to get rich without working. This leads to poverty.
Gluttony –
continually eating far more than necessary. This leads to ill health.
Greed – wanting
more than you need. This leads to dissatisfaction with life.
Immorality – sex
before responsibility. This leads to insecurity and (often) disease.
Dishonesty – taking
what is not yours. This leads to guilt and anxiety.
Hedonism – living
for today. This leads to a sense of futility and instability.
The list goes on
and on. People constantly take the easy road to get what they want, without
considering the consequences, then the ‘birds come home to roost’ and they find
themselves in misery. They put short-term self-gratification before the wise
counsel of the Bible.
For example: a
woman leaves her husband to live with another man, dragging two children along.
The man has three children from a former affair. All the children grow up
insecure because their ‘parents’ are more interested in the affair than the
raising of a family. The ‘partners’ split again because there is no commitment.
The children grow up unbalanced and unstable, and repeat their parent’s
mistake. More children are born and they also grow up without stable, committed
mothers or fathers. The misery increases. Sin piles on sin and the happiness
which could have been theirs is gone.
God gives us all a
credit card of wealth when we come into the world, but many people spend it and
then run up a huge debt. But sin’s consequences always come, eventually,
knocking on the door like an angry bailiff, demanding what has been clocked up
on the card. God always holds us accountable for what we do.
But on the positive
side, if we obey God, we find happiness. As Ray Comfort once said (paraphrased)
“God has given us an instruction manual – the Bible but if we refuse to read
it, we will not run at our maximum. Only a stupid mechanic would refuse to read
the manual for a car, yet there are millions of people who try to live their
lives without finding out what God, who designed us, has to say.”
This is not the
place for an extended list of Bible references from the ‘instruction manual’,
because the best place to find the way to happiness is in the Bible, but I
will, if I may, suggest the first principle of the Ten Commandments:
1. Love God
2. Love yourself
3. Love your neighbour
Jesus himself
demonstrated the fullest, happiest (and sometimes saddest) life any person
could ever live. His life was a balance
between consideration of God, himself, and others – in that order. His life was
based on obedience to what was
written in the Bible. His freedom came from a sense of identity as defined by God and not by people – not even his closest
friends or mother could pressure him into being something he wasn’t. He showed
respect to those to whom it was due, but he did not swerve from his own personal integrity in order to appease
anyone.
That is the
destination to which all Christians ought to aim, but there is usually a lot of
baggage to unload on the road there. And once attained, happiness is something
we have to guard, and maintain on a daily basis, because there are always
people about who will try to take it from us.
“If you know these things, happy are you if you
do them”. – Jesus. (John 13:17)